For the last few months, I’ve been a ball of stress. At times I was able to hide it very well, other times I was written all over my face, even though I pretended I had it all under control. A lot of events are converging this fall, and I was doing my best to try to figure out which way the wind was gonna blow in order to make plans. I once heard that, if you wanna make God laugh, then make plans, and that was kind of what happened here.
Recently I wrote I was learning to pray again, learning to have a conversation with God, both to ask Him for my needs, but also to thank Him for my haves. Thing is, when you ask God, you also gotta be ready to listen to His reply. I will admit that just as I am learning to pray, I am now also learning to listen.
I have in the past joked with my wife that I wish God would send text messages or emails, that He would be that clear in letting me know His will. While I was certainly aware of the individual events as they occurred, it’s not until I looked back and saw them in relation to each other, and in relation to my prayers, that I was able to see that He had indeed been communicating, that He indeed had been replying, that He indeed had been letting me know what His will was.
While I won’t go into the full details, let’s say that the biggest source of stress lately for me has been figuring out where my family and I would be for the near future, geographically speaking. I’ve talked before about my desire to move, but it isn’t as easy as just picking up, especially with kids. I kept asking God to please show us where He wanted us to be, to open doors where His will wanted us, to help us get jobs in the place where He knew we’d be fulfilling His plan. On our end, we thought that would be somewhere else, a new state, a new county, a new town. We put it all our effort into that plan, only to keep finding the road rocky and the doors closed. Frustrating.
I just wasn’t paying attention. I was so focused on what I thought was good and right for me and us as a family, that I wasn’t noticing that God was indeed opening doors, clearing a path, and setting us up for the future, not somewhere else, but right here in our own town. I have just accepted a position at work as the new nurse educator for my unit, one of my dream jobs in nursing, and one which meets—and beats—my 5-year-plan goals from when I was a brand new RN. Not just that, the process was easy and without roadblocks; I just needed to stop worrying long enough to pay attention to what was happening in front of me.
I am excited about my new job, about the new baby coming soon, about the life that God has been preparing for us all along. And I’ll continue to work on learning to listen to the answers He gives to my questions. Because He always answers.