I’m not one to get things for myself. I’ll happily spend my money on my wife and daughter (especially when it comes to food), but I’ll overthink and overanalyze any expenditure that’s just for me, even (especially) if I need it. It’s not rational, but it is how I’m built. I am, however, trying to change that.
The whole not getting things for myself grows out of the same place as my discomfort with receiving gifts: a toxic belief that I’m not worth it. I don’t care to go into the whys at the root of this belief right now because it’s not the point. I know it’s bull, I know it’s toxic and hurtful, and I have been working on getting rid of it for years with great success. It’s not entirely gone, like a stain that you can clean but not quite remove, so I still deal with the repercussions from time to time, like having an issue with getting gifts, whether from others or from myself.
I don’t particularly or necessarily care for things; while I’m not an outright minimalist, I do try to keep possessions to a minimum, and in general, I’m not someone who wants or needs much. That said, I do like a few things, and I do like getting gifts, so I’ve been working on both buying things for myself that I really want, and learning to accept gifts in the spirit that they are given.
Mind you, what I tend to get for myself are books, mostly Kindle books on sale at that, but it’s a start. And recently I went positively extravagant and got myself a new Kindle Paperwhite! [Insert “make it rain” gif here.] In terms of accepting gifts, my wife is working hard to cure me of my issue, most notably by getting me the PlayStation 4 I’d been wanting for years for Christmas. For Father’s Day, I had a real breakthrough in that I actually asked for what I would like, then humbly accepted it when she gifted it to me: a haircut and facial at a specialty men’s grooming salon. (Short review: it was awesome, and I got a haircut I’m happy with for the first time in years.)
Some people may roll their eyes reading all this, and if you’re one of them because the whole concept of what I’m describing is alien to you, then hey, more power to you! I sometimes tell myself to get over it as an exercise, even if I know that doesn’t work. What works is taking care of yourself little by little, working on your issues, being kind to yourself when you slip, and celebrating your progress.
In a way, I think the whole “treat yo self” thing is hogwash because you don’t need to spend money you most likely don’t really have or can afford to spend on things that you most probably don’t need or could be perfectly fine without. Then again, do treat yo self, take care of yourself, do nice things for yourself, and yeah from time to time get something nice for yourself, because you are worth it. I’m not saying you can buy self-esteem, but I’d be lying if I said I don’t feel much better about myself after getting a nice haircut and an aromatherapy facial.